it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
