i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize