TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
