We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
