No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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