YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
