4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
