y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
