I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
