Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
