Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
