so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
