There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
