You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
