Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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