my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
