just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize