You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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