What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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