The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
