Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
