I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
