Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
