what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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