I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
