I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
