I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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