yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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