Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
