sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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