I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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