One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
