Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
