it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
