Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
