Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
