does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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