i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
