I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
