Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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