Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
