Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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