were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And then my night got REAL pukey
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
