What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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