I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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