We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
