i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
