Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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