You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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