He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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