I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize