You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
