ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
