billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize