She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
