The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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