I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i came on her dog
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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