two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
