I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize