Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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