Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
