NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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