How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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