So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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