i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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